Day 59/60 - Two months down.

Day 60 - Yay!

Whatever. Today was just plain awful.

I spent MOST of the day sobbing in various places in my house. The day started well. I went to the gym, worked out hard, came home and got some things done, skyped with M2 ... then it just hit me.

I don't want to do this anymore.

I REALLY do not want to do this anymore.

I spent the rest of the day sobbing. I watched the first 2 episodes of the first season of Army Wives and cried. I went outside for some sun and started talking to my neighbor whose husband is also deployed and I cried. I made supper and cried. I cleaned the kitchen and listened to sappy music and cried. I clean my bathroom only to realize the seal around the bottom of the toilet is leaking and then I really cried. So, I sat in my laundry basket full of clean, unfolded clothes, called my sister and cried some more.

Because I did not choose this!!! This was not MY idea. I married a man who first swore we would NEVER go to war, 9-11 happened 3 months later. The same man said he was only doing the army gig long enough to have some GI Bill money and then he was going to finish school and we would move on with life.

Obviously 10 years later ... we are still in an army that is still in a war. I am proud of M2 and I proud of his decisions and I support them - most days. I am just being honest in saying that today is not one of those days. Today is one of those days where I scream, "WHY DID HE DO THIS TO ME??".

It's ok though. I am allowed to feel this way today. You are allowed to feel this way on some days. Then we get over it. The crying stops, we pick ourselves up and we move on.

That is what I plan on doing tomorrow - but right now I am going to go watch some more old episodes of Army Wives (actually never watched it before a day ago) and grab the tissue and cry some more.

Here's to 2 months down and hopefully not much more to go.