Day 8 - discouraged

I am feeling a little discouraged today.

I am actually dealing with some emotions I am not use to.

A big one being envy.

Today I found myself feeling very envious of those wives who are getting calls/emails, etc. It hasn't even been that long since I have heard from M2. The problem is I didn't hear from him when he said I would. I am not new to this and I actually feel embarrassed in a sense that I feel this way. Because not hearing for a few days is nothing. I planned on keeping these emotions bottled up and not sharing because I feared being mocked. Yet, my desire for this thing is to be authentic. I want this to be a place where someone can come and read and see that we all share these emotions - even if we don't want to admit them.

All of our husband have differing jobs, some can communicate more, some less. I have told myself that I am going to be thankful when anyone is able to communicate - even if I can't. It is the right thing to do. But telling ourselves how we should feel doesn't always make us actually feel that way. That would be too easy. If I said to you today I was grateful you were able to talk with your spouse - honestly, I lied. Because today that is not really how I felt. I will tell you that more than likely I will wake up tomorrow and really be grateful for you. But today, in my discouraged, sinful state, I am not.

So, here I am being genuine in my weakness.

I am not perfect. I lost it crying on the phone today with a friend who didn't see it coming. She was very gracious. I am thankful for that. These are the days when having great, understanding friends can make the difference!

I was grateful that a guy in M2's unit was able to post this picture of my dear husband today.

I miss you!

Tomorrow is a new day!