Day 14&15 - When in the Storm

This Army life is not for the weak of heart! I happen to be one of those weaklings and I constantly wonder, "WHAT AM I DOING HERE?"!

I am here because I love that man and I love this family and this is the way that God has currently chosen for that man to care for this family. (sigh)

Right now M2's career is at a tumultuous point. I will not elaborate much but I will say that decisions have to be made, and fast, that can change the course of his career drastically. I wish that things could be simple but they are not and they never are with this career. Being that weakling that I was talking about earlier, I am going stir crazy! Each day I wait to hear something from him that will bring some certainty. Today he called and delivered some news that seemed to throw another wrench in the plans and I became erratic! Why did M2 sound SO DARN positive when this news was not positive at all. I cried. I yelled. I cried some more. M2 let me vent. I think he knows me enough now to know I need that. Then calmly he changed the subject. "Did you read today's passages?" (We decided to go through the Lutheran liturgical year together since his direct chaplain is Lutheran and that is what he would be using to preach.) I responded with something like, "Sweetie, it's not bedtime here. I read my passages at bedtime.". I wish! It was more like, "WHAT? Passages?? Did you all the sudden forget the time differences, of course I haven't read the passages, and what of it?"! (I even made that nicer than reality.)

M2, with ALL his patience, told me that it was the passage about Jesus and his disciples in the midst of the storm. M2 reaffirmed to me that he believes that either way things go - God is in control - not man. Whew- doesn't that relieve all the stress?? Nope! What if God choses the option I don't like?!

The story, in case you are not familiar with it, goes something like this:

Jesus and his disciples were fishing. Jesus must have been tired because he decided to take a nap. About that time a storm came about and started to toss the boat around. Jesus' disciples started to freak out and they shook Jesus awake and told him there was a storm and he needed to do something. Jesus calmed the storm. The bible doesn't always tell us what Jesus was thinking - but I think it was something like this, "Really, a storm? Did you forget that my Father made these waters and controls this storm and He will either save you from it or toss this boat over and let us all drown - either which way it happens it will be His will and you should be joyful. Yep, even if you drown so stop running around the boat panicking and let me sleep."! Jesus' tended to be a little more subtle, just by calming it He made his point - no need for the rant!

If it was hard for those dudes to be calm when God was physically in their presence, how much harder is it for us? M2 has being calm down about the same way I have being worried down. It was nice to hear him tell me that his calm is not out of being cocky or unrealistic but simply out of trusting that God is in control. Because He is!

My stress will not calm this storm! I will have to sit and be patient and wait it out. As hard as it is for me - it is my desire! Here is my challenge to my dear friends. REMIND ME! I will inevitably fail at being calm regarding this situation and when I come to you with my anxiety remind me that running around the boat screaming isn't going to help :)! Either way things goes - I shall rejoice. (Well, I will rejoice with a LOT of reminding!)