Day 11 - Breaking my heart!

My son has had a difficult time processing this deployment. Tonight I was able to take him on some much needed one on one time. As we were preparing to leave, I received an email from his teacher saying that he had a rough day at school. I felt overwhelmed with how to talk to him and get him to talk about what he is feeling. He is a boy and he is his father's son, getting feelings out of him becomes challenging to say the least.

On our ride into town I asked him about how he was feeling at school today when he acted out. He just said, "frustrated". I asked him if he was mad or sad and that if he were those feelings were ok. Silence. We sat in silence for about 15 minutes and then he asked a question that stared a conversation that broke my heart. It went something like this:

"Mommy, did Daddy really take the lego Storm Trooper with him to war?"

"Yes, Brett - when he "plays" with it you know he is thinking about you. Are you mad at Daddy for taking it? Because you know he will bring it back with him."

"I'm a little mad at him and a little scared at him."

"You're scared of Daddy??"

"NO - Scared AT him."

"Why are you scared at him?"

"Because if he starts to play with the lego stormtrooper he won't be paying attention and the bad guy is going to come shoot him in the back."

(Mommy keeps driving despite the shock that has just sat in.)

I cried and I felt my heart breaking for this littleguy who has been scared of this thing for 2 weeks now and kept it in. We talked and I explained more about how safe Daddy is where all of his stuff is. That it is kind of like post and lots of people are guarding it and that Daddy pays lots of attention and is very good at his job. And very safe. He seemed relieved. Then as I drove I silently prayed that God would keep his Daddy extra safe.

My other army mommies out there - We have to keep talking to these kids! You never know what they are carrying around. I was in second grade during the first Gulf War and I remember hearing on the TV that troops had just entered the Presidents house. I thought they meant our president! I knew how close his house was to mine on the map (which in reality was still far away) and for a few weeks as I walked to school I thought I wouldsee troops come down my street shooting. I was scared until a Sunday School teacher who asked us to pray for a girls uncle who was deployed explained the war. I never asked anyone - I just assumed that I heard things correctly on the news. So we MUST find ways to talk to our kids and keep them informed in ways they understand. And clear up any misconceptions about war they may have. In today's society, with the games, tv shows, music, etc ... they probably have a misguided view of what war really is.

Here's a picture of that little guy who I love so much!