Day 16 - It's hard being 3!

Today was a pretty swell day!

I was able to get things going early and make it to the gym for a gruesome workout with my trainer. I think because I canceled on him last week, due to sick kids, he was angry at me because he made me run 36 flights of stairs. After that I was too tired to worry or stress about anything!

The gym is probably one of my favorite places and also one of the MOST relaxing as well. Not because I like to work out either but because they have child care! It's 2 hours without anyone yelling, "Mommy"! Someone once saw me bring in my shower gear and asked me why in the world would I take a shower there when I didn't live that far. They didn't have 3 kids so they didn't know but that shower was the most relaxing shower I have had in a long time! Who cares it's gross and small and dark ... you are guaranteed unlimited hot water and not having to jump out and run across the house because someone climbed up on the dresser and fell off. Then later that same day you look in the mirror and wonder why your hair is so oily only to remember you never jumped back IN the shower to rinse the conditioner out. It's totally the small things in life, like the gym shower, that will get me through this deployment!

The gym childcare has a huge window where you can sit and watch your kids. I looked in on them once this morning and saw EL running around doing her potty dance just in time to run in and get her to the restroom. Every since Daddy has left, poor EL has started the process of un-potty training herself. It has been a rough year for her. She potty trained this summer and then as soon as Daddy left for a month long training stint, she un-potty trained. I tried my hardest to keep her in undies but that fateful day when she peed on the floor at daycare and then while they were cleaning it up, before they re-dressed her, she went to the other side of the room and pooped ... well that did it in. I was told to never bring that child back in there without a pull up! When Daddy came home again she re-potty trained. No accidents. Now, well she is like a new puppy marking their territory in every room.

Most of my day is spent trying to not get aggravated with EL because three is a hard age. Yet, every night she finds a way to make my heart glow. Tonight I was asking her to hurry up and let Mommy help her put on her PJ's. Frustrated that she was playing and not helping me put her arm in the sleeve I asked her, "Please "EL" we need to hurry so we can watch Daddy read our bedtime stories". She responded with, "It's ok Mommy, Daddy will wait on me"!

Who wouldn't that make smile (:!

Day 14&15 - When in the Storm

This Army life is not for the weak of heart! I happen to be one of those weaklings and I constantly wonder, "WHAT AM I DOING HERE?"!

I am here because I love that man and I love this family and this is the way that God has currently chosen for that man to care for this family. (sigh)

Right now M2's career is at a tumultuous point. I will not elaborate much but I will say that decisions have to be made, and fast, that can change the course of his career drastically. I wish that things could be simple but they are not and they never are with this career. Being that weakling that I was talking about earlier, I am going stir crazy! Each day I wait to hear something from him that will bring some certainty. Today he called and delivered some news that seemed to throw another wrench in the plans and I became erratic! Why did M2 sound SO DARN positive when this news was not positive at all. I cried. I yelled. I cried some more. M2 let me vent. I think he knows me enough now to know I need that. Then calmly he changed the subject. "Did you read today's passages?" (We decided to go through the Lutheran liturgical year together since his direct chaplain is Lutheran and that is what he would be using to preach.) I responded with something like, "Sweetie, it's not bedtime here. I read my passages at bedtime.". I wish! It was more like, "WHAT? Passages?? Did you all the sudden forget the time differences, of course I haven't read the passages, and what of it?"! (I even made that nicer than reality.)

M2, with ALL his patience, told me that it was the passage about Jesus and his disciples in the midst of the storm. M2 reaffirmed to me that he believes that either way things go - God is in control - not man. Whew- doesn't that relieve all the stress?? Nope! What if God choses the option I don't like?!

The story, in case you are not familiar with it, goes something like this:

Jesus and his disciples were fishing. Jesus must have been tired because he decided to take a nap. About that time a storm came about and started to toss the boat around. Jesus' disciples started to freak out and they shook Jesus awake and told him there was a storm and he needed to do something. Jesus calmed the storm. The bible doesn't always tell us what Jesus was thinking - but I think it was something like this, "Really, a storm? Did you forget that my Father made these waters and controls this storm and He will either save you from it or toss this boat over and let us all drown - either which way it happens it will be His will and you should be joyful. Yep, even if you drown so stop running around the boat panicking and let me sleep."! Jesus' tended to be a little more subtle, just by calming it He made his point - no need for the rant!

If it was hard for those dudes to be calm when God was physically in their presence, how much harder is it for us? M2 has being calm down about the same way I have being worried down. It was nice to hear him tell me that his calm is not out of being cocky or unrealistic but simply out of trusting that God is in control. Because He is!

My stress will not calm this storm! I will have to sit and be patient and wait it out. As hard as it is for me - it is my desire! Here is my challenge to my dear friends. REMIND ME! I will inevitably fail at being calm regarding this situation and when I come to you with my anxiety remind me that running around the boat screaming isn't going to help :)! Either way things goes - I shall rejoice. (Well, I will rejoice with a LOT of reminding!)

Day 13 - When Mommy can't talk, Let Daddy!

Before M2 left he made videos for the kids of himself reading a few bedtime stories. Also, he made some short clips for different occasions, bad days, great days, if a child gets hurt, has an accident, needs a reminder to obey! They are 15 sec clips of him just encouraging them. Today I woke up to an almost completely gone voice (it's better tonight!!). I used the clip of him reminding them that they had a very important job at home - obeying and helping Mommy! Because, seriously, I thought I could not tell them "no" "stop" "don't do that" one more time today! I let Daddy tell them instead! They listened! Whew!

Here are some pictures of them watching Daddy and some quotes from the books he reads to them!

"Sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do." ~The Kissing Hand

"But I thought brave thoughts to comfort me." ~ The Bravest of the Brave

"So, there three favorites!" ~ You're All My Favorites

"And if someday you're lonely,

or someday you're sad,

or strike out at baseball,

or think you've been bad...

Just lift up your face, feel the wind in your hair.

That's me, my sweet baby, my love is right there"

"You are my angel, my darling, my star ... and my love will find you, wherever you are"

~Wherever You Are my love will find you

We love you, M2! We are so very proud of you!

Day 12 - A Lost Voice

What happens when you lose your voice and you have three children?

Those three children RUN you over!

And at the end of the day you have a sore, sore throat from trying to tell them to behave!

And for some reason not being able to talk means I also can't focus on blogging ...

See you all on Day 13 :)! Hopefully with a voice!

Day 11 - Breaking my heart!

My son has had a difficult time processing this deployment. Tonight I was able to take him on some much needed one on one time. As we were preparing to leave, I received an email from his teacher saying that he had a rough day at school. I felt overwhelmed with how to talk to him and get him to talk about what he is feeling. He is a boy and he is his father's son, getting feelings out of him becomes challenging to say the least.

On our ride into town I asked him about how he was feeling at school today when he acted out. He just said, "frustrated". I asked him if he was mad or sad and that if he were those feelings were ok. Silence. We sat in silence for about 15 minutes and then he asked a question that stared a conversation that broke my heart. It went something like this:

"Mommy, did Daddy really take the lego Storm Trooper with him to war?"

"Yes, Brett - when he "plays" with it you know he is thinking about you. Are you mad at Daddy for taking it? Because you know he will bring it back with him."

"I'm a little mad at him and a little scared at him."

"You're scared of Daddy??"

"NO - Scared AT him."

"Why are you scared at him?"

"Because if he starts to play with the lego stormtrooper he won't be paying attention and the bad guy is going to come shoot him in the back."

(Mommy keeps driving despite the shock that has just sat in.)

I cried and I felt my heart breaking for this littleguy who has been scared of this thing for 2 weeks now and kept it in. We talked and I explained more about how safe Daddy is where all of his stuff is. That it is kind of like post and lots of people are guarding it and that Daddy pays lots of attention and is very good at his job. And very safe. He seemed relieved. Then as I drove I silently prayed that God would keep his Daddy extra safe.

My other army mommies out there - We have to keep talking to these kids! You never know what they are carrying around. I was in second grade during the first Gulf War and I remember hearing on the TV that troops had just entered the Presidents house. I thought they meant our president! I knew how close his house was to mine on the map (which in reality was still far away) and for a few weeks as I walked to school I thought I wouldsee troops come down my street shooting. I was scared until a Sunday School teacher who asked us to pray for a girls uncle who was deployed explained the war. I never asked anyone - I just assumed that I heard things correctly on the news. So we MUST find ways to talk to our kids and keep them informed in ways they understand. And clear up any misconceptions about war they may have. In today's society, with the games, tv shows, music, etc ... they probably have a misguided view of what war really is.

Here's a picture of that little guy who I love so much!

Day 10 - Blue Star Flag!

Tonight I attended, child-free (WOOT), our post's "Blue Star Card" kickoff! The Blue Star Card is given to spouses of deployed soldiers to use for various discounts around post. The Blue Star program also host several events each month where they provide childcare for free! Movies, Bunco, Bowling, etc ...

Tonight's kickoff was held at the post bowling alley. I am NOT a bowler! Now several of my friends can attest to that fact :)! I bowled a whopping 67! No, I did not forget to type the 1 before the 67 ... it was just a 6 and a 7! I had a wonderful time with my friends and the kids had a great time in the childcare! So much fun that one of them cried when they saw me coming! Those kind of reactions are sure to warm a mother's heart!

I assume the "Blue Star" is a reference to this flag here. If you have a family member deployed you are suppose to place it in your window until they return. Your flag can have several stars if you have several family members deployed. It always takes my breath away to pass a house with a Blue Star flag in the window with multiple stars. You may also see one with a Gold Star, those families have a loved one that has given the ultimate sacrifice - their life. That's another breath taking site.

I wikipedia'd (yes, I just made up that word) the history of the flag and here's what wiki has to say:

"The banner was designed in 1917 by United States Army Captain Robert L. Queisser of the Fifth Ohio Infantry, in honor of his two sons who were serving in World War I.^[2] It was quickly adopted by the public and by government officials. On September 24, 1917, an Ohio congressman read into theCongressional Record:

The mayor of Cleveland, the Chamber of Commerce and the Governor of Ohio have adopted this service flag. The world should know of those who give so much for liberty. The dearest thing in all the world to a father and mother — their children."

I thought over that last line there ... "The dearest thing in all the world to a father and mother - their children." I would never want to send my precious "B" to war. I miss M2 like crazy - but my son - My son? I cannot fathom! M2 is my protector. I worry about his safety but his protection is not my primary duty. My primary duty is to protect "B".

So the flag is really a symbol of the sacrifice that families are making in sending their soldiers to war. I wonder if parents who have had to send their children off to war feel like they have a small glimpse of what our freedom really cost God?

(If any of you computer savvy people want to tell me WHY those last 2 paragraphs would not align right - that'd be swell!)

Day 9 - Relief!

As you know from yesterday's post, I was feeling a little overwhelmed with not hearing from M2. It felt like I was carrying around a burden - one that weighed a ton. At one instance the stress mounted and I felt like something was going to give.

This morning I slept in, oops! E missed the bus and was 30 minutes late to school. Despite that, I decided to still make an attempt at the gym. The 20 or so minutes I spent on the elliptical, pounding out the stress, allowed me some relief. Back in the fall I was spending a couple of hours daily in the gym. The days I didn't go in I would run it out on the pavement or on my treadmill at home. I was pretty much stress free during that time.

I, FINALLY, was able to hear M2's voice! Seriously, hearing M2's voice was something akin to a valve releasing in a too full air mattress! Instant release! It was so very nice to hear him! He is under a lot of stress as well. Working 20 hour days, learning a new job, dealing with hard to deal with people, and not being able to eat properly are all things he is facing right now. Things will inevitably calm down for both of us and then speed back up - we decided that we were going to have to do some important things to help ourselves while this stress is present.

We both decided to be committed to speaking up and being firm about what we can and cannot handle. This is hard for both of us. I never want to hurt anyones feelings or disappoint and M2 is exactly the same. We both know that those are good qualities but that they can turn into something not so good! Sometimes for ourselves and our families, we have to say "I can't". It reminds me of something M2 and I did our first year of marriage. We wrote our "I can'ts" on a piece of paper and took them outside and buried them. We may have taken the not saying "I can't" a little too far! If someone really loves you then they will understand, "I can't". (Easier typed than believed!)

For myself, I am committed to getting back into the gym as well. I made 2 appointments with my trainer this week and I already feel better about my stress level!

The point to remember, within all of this rambling, is that a lot of the times there are ways we can help ourselves rid stress. Sometimes we need to just step back and figure out what those are! Maybe it's exercising for you, or a long bath, a glass of wine, a long talk on the phone, a good cry, whatever it is - implement it regularly!

And please (as a friend of mine like's to say on her blog) "don't hear what I am not saying"! I feel like it is of the utmost importance to rely on God for the strength to get through stressful times. But it is God who has designed our bodies to release stress in these various ways! I am just saying take advantage of His perfect design!

Day 8 - discouraged

I am feeling a little discouraged today.

I am actually dealing with some emotions I am not use to.

A big one being envy.

Today I found myself feeling very envious of those wives who are getting calls/emails, etc. It hasn't even been that long since I have heard from M2. The problem is I didn't hear from him when he said I would. I am not new to this and I actually feel embarrassed in a sense that I feel this way. Because not hearing for a few days is nothing. I planned on keeping these emotions bottled up and not sharing because I feared being mocked. Yet, my desire for this thing is to be authentic. I want this to be a place where someone can come and read and see that we all share these emotions - even if we don't want to admit them.

All of our husband have differing jobs, some can communicate more, some less. I have told myself that I am going to be thankful when anyone is able to communicate - even if I can't. It is the right thing to do. But telling ourselves how we should feel doesn't always make us actually feel that way. That would be too easy. If I said to you today I was grateful you were able to talk with your spouse - honestly, I lied. Because today that is not really how I felt. I will tell you that more than likely I will wake up tomorrow and really be grateful for you. But today, in my discouraged, sinful state, I am not.

So, here I am being genuine in my weakness.

I am not perfect. I lost it crying on the phone today with a friend who didn't see it coming. She was very gracious. I am thankful for that. These are the days when having great, understanding friends can make the difference!

I was grateful that a guy in M2's unit was able to post this picture of my dear husband today.

I miss you!

Tomorrow is a new day!

Day 7 - What's in a week?

One week

7 days

168 hours

10, 080 minutes

604, 800 seconds

Perspective matters! One week ago we said goodbye to M2. Only ONE week ago. Sounds small - insignificant. And in "army time" it really is. M2 spends weeks away ALL the time. The only difference this past week is the knowledge that it is the start of something a lot longer. It is good to sometimes step back and look at the bigger picture because there are PLENTY of times I have counted the seconds, minutes, etc ...

There are differing opinions amongst army wives as to how you should countdown your time. Counting down the months means there are only 12 of something you have to do until he is back. 12 FRG meetings, 12 coffees, 12 free saturday daycares! 12 doesn't seem that bad. If someone were to ask me would you rather have 12 blows to the stomach OR 365? I dare say I would choose the lesser number! BUT if they were to say would you like to have 12 chocolate pastries OR 365? I would choose the higher! (and then puke!)

I choose to countdown by days even though it may make it seem longer to some. It doesn't to me. It means that every day I get to say to myself "you accomplished another day"! Instead of waiting for a month to pass before I allow myself to feel closer - I get to feel closer every morning when I awake! And time is time! When the men were in formation getting prepared to board the bus, my oldest "E" started to cry. Someone (maybe even me but my memory is foggy) said to her, "It will go by so fast, you will see". "E" has Aspergers Syndrome - she is about as logical as they come. She responded with, "365 days is 365 days - time is always the same."! Smart kid. She knows something a lot of us don't. Time will not compromise itself for us. It is a constant and it will not accept our request for more or less of it. We say, "If only I had more time I would do ___" and then turn around and say "I wish time would speed up". Maybe we need to all just start accepting time for what it is and using it!

I will continue to count down by days! I can say, "Praise you God that I made it through this day, Praise you God that my husband is safe this night" and then when those days turn into weeks and months I will say "Praise you God that you have allowed those hard won days to turn into weeks and months"! And then, eventually, I will be praising God for winning the 365 day battle!

(FYI - I am preaching this to myself! Just today I wished time would speed up!)

Day 6 - Snow Day Gone Good!

The phrase "snow day" should be considered vulgar! When Mommy is already tired a snow day is the last thing she needs. Today was a snow day! I anticipated a horribly long day with cabin fever kids. But the opposite actually occurred.

We got up early and heard from Daddy via email. Made breakfast burritos, yummy! And then headed out for the day! Play dates with friends, shopping, and a few spontaneous snow ball fights allowed for a spectacular day!

Tonight I was able to get the kids in childcare for a couple hours and go out with the girls. A couple of us decided it would be a lot nicer to take our husbands with us! So we did!

Last week while attending a support group I heard the phrase, "Emotionally connected, Independently strong". I am starting to really grasp the independently strong concept. I feared it for the longest time. Doesn't being independent mean I don't need him? Absolutely not! I still feel M2's presence even though he is not here! I still feel emotionally connected to him - which is VERY important. Being independent while he is gone doesn't mean you don't need him, in my case it means that I love him enough, feel connected to him enough, that I can pull myself together and function fine without his physical presence. I still have him here emotionally. He still whispers gently in my ear when I need a reminder. I can feel his smile when I do something silly (like bust it on the snow)! I am just choosing to allow that to be enough for my contentment! For now!

I miss him like CRAZY!

Day 5 - So Tired

I am exhausted today. Really exhausted. I have run through the gamut of emotions this past week and now that my emotions have stabilized I am left with an exhaustion that words cannot describe!

I stay up late doing everything I can to put off having to crawl in that bed alone. Last night I took a heat pack and put it in M2's pillowcase and then laid it behind me in bed. It REALLY helped! I had the best night sleep since the night he left.

I am not the only one staying up, finding things do to to keep me awake ...

She's tired too! And it shows ALL DAY LONG!

Tomorrow I plan on getting back into the gym and I am hoping that will help me sleep!

I thought mentioning that to everyone might help me actually do it! :)

Goodnight Moon ...

Day 4 - Random Days

Today was a pretty random day. Lots of random happenings and overall delightful. I cannot talk to M2 on the phone or skype right now but I think he can get online so I am hoping he will have a chance to read about my random day - I think he would appreciate some of the small things in my day, like watching a friend actually roast her own coffee beans! M2 - you only thought you were a coffee brewing fanatic. You need to meet someone when you get back! The coffee definitely had a different/better taste!

Every Wednesday we drive an hour to the other side of Louisville and pick up our weekly CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) box. Full of yummy local produce, meats, cheeses, milk, honey, canned items, eggs, and soup! For the past year, Wednesday has been our big family day. M2 would take off from work early and we would all head to Louisville! We get our CSA box, then pick up a treat from our favorite bakery. Then we go to a grocery there and get the little things we may need and have supper in their deli. Along the way today, at each stop, someone asked me where M2 was. It was nice to know that we have made so many connections and those people care! You'll never get that in Walmart :)! Even though we were all having a great day, it was sad sitting down to eat with one less. He loves to get sushi - so that's what I ate!

On the long drive back home "E" got to tell me ALL about her day. I made this little video representing a conversation that took place between "EL" and "E" during the ride. The program generates the characters - so ignore that E has a man's voice and EL has a very strange costume on! And a little background on my youngest. At the early age of 3 she is more sarcastic than most adults and has a WEIRD humor. I attribute it to the fact that I was in COMPLETE shock when I found out we were expecting her - I was at my best friends house when I found out and Matt was continents away (go figure) and the friend consoled me with "I'll take her!" Obviously, the shock wore off and I have never been happier than when that "chunky monkey" (she claimed that nickname for herself) came into my life. All of that to say, the friend who claimed her is REMARKABLY similar. Matter of fact - that 3 year old has the closest personality to that woman than anyone I have met! Weird.

M2 - I know this will make your day!

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/8278019/

This was a VERY random posting!

Day 3 "Acceptance brings ..."

I like the feeling of acceptance. I was actually there over a month ago. I had fully accepted that this was happening to us and I felt fine - at peace. Then the waiting game started and somewhere in all of the waiting, acceptance walked out my front door. I know what acceptance feels like and how incredibly important it is! So, I KNEW when I woke up this morning I was back at acceptance. Several things happened that confirmed this feeling. First, I woke up in an incredibly good mood despite the fact that I had a 2 am bed wetter.

(Let me just say something right here. There are a lot of things that Matt takes care of when he is home - the dishes, the trash, switching laundry AND when the middle child wakes up at 2 am with a wet bed he deals with it. I just realized last night what all that entails. First off you have to actually get out of your comfy warm bed (this was the hardest part), then you have to go strip the child's sheets and take them to the basement AT NIGHT! There is a man who lives down there when Matt is out of town so that part is creepy! Then redress the bed. Ugh it sucks. And I love him all the more for doing it!)

Second, M2 let me know that he would be able to skype me before he left to the "maybe no communication" zone. We did something you should NEVER do - we set a skype date! 8ish am my time. I got up early, took a shower (yay me) and put on makeup and a cute shirt. I decided leaving the PJ bottoms on would be fine since you can only see the waist up! Ate breakfast, gathered my laptop and coffee and was sitting on the couch at exactly 8. And no joke - at 8:02 I lost power! I cried and threw a tantrum that resulted in me losing it on my dear neighbor when she called JUST to ask if my power was out as well. But then I got it together, emailed from my blackberry that I could not make the skype thing, loaded the kids in the car and went grocery shopping. I knew I had a sense of acceptance. Two days ago I would have laid in bed and cried the entire day and felt the world was definitely against me. It would have just NOT BEEN FAIR! But an hour later I was actually able to laugh at the irony of the situation. I mean because lets face it - that's pretty darn funny when you get past the sad.

When you finally get to a place of acceptance, whether losing a loved one to death or losing a loved one for a year to a war, then even when you are sad your life goes on.

And to end my day of acceptance - M2 got "accepted" to a job (still with the Army) he applied for months ago. One we had almost given up on. That may be a unique thing about acceptance when dealing with the Army. When you hit a point of acceptance they are sure

to change things up for you :)!

I had a wonderful day! It was productive and happy and I feel your prayers and thoughts - thank you all for your support. My night ended with a great get together with all my FRG friends! I want to say this in a public forum so everyone will know. YOU GIRLS ROCK!!

And M2 - if you are able to read this -I love this quote and I knew you were going to get the job all along!

“A true man never frets about his place in the world, but just slides into it by the gravitation of his nature, and swings there as easily as a star.” - edwin hubbel chapin

Day 2 "The F word"

I am definitely experiencing the "funk". I am not talking about the funk like haven't showered in days funk (although that one is also fitting :o). I am talking about that blue feeling, no motivation, don't want to participate, type of funk. You may not know what that is - but if you are the spouse of a deployed soldier - I'd guess you have already had a dose of the funk. It creeped in this morning as I was awoken by my eldest at 5 am to be informed that the middle kid had stolen a toy from his friends house. REALLY!! I mean - was it a weapon, is someone in harm's way, was it a priceless heirloom. WHAT would make you feel the need to come tell me at 5 am that this occurred. Of course that was only the reaction in my head. My actual reaction was more like, "Ok - go tell "B" to bring it to me". Then a long explanation to "B" why it was wrong to steal. I could feel my brain trying to shut down on me. I felt weary and instantly canceled any plans I had for the day.

I had a dear friend tell me that it is completely okay to be in a funk. That those days will come and go and come and go. Taking advantage of the non-funk moments are vital and not allowing the funk to last for weeks is also important. She ended with a sort of promise that if the funk lasted for a week or so she would say, "No - you ARE getting out of the house". Now my mind is at ease. I started to feel like I may just stay in my house for the entire year. The kids ride the bus and I could always internet order my food :)! M2 would come home to my mummified remains!! Glad to know that is not going to be the case! I love you dear friend!

The good thing about taking these first few days slow is the time I get to spend with the kids. They have a lot of questions about Daddy right now and I think it's important to have time to talk. Our family seems to always be on the go. We live very fast paced lives. When school starts back tomorrow - life will start moving fast and these questions may go unasked. I finally got around to showing "B" on a map where Daddy was currently located and then where that was in reference to Afghanistan. It was a color coded map and he asked me, "so, when daddy gets into the orange box (Afghanistan) then the war will start?". I chuckled and told him the war already started. He gasped and screamed, "THE WAR STARTED WITHOUT DADDY?". Funny how we fail to realize that children's minds are simple and in need of guidance. I sat with him for a long time and told him about exactly what Daddy was going to do. He seemed at peace when we were done.

One of the dearest moments in my day was listening to my sweet eldest pray at lunch. She said, "and please God protect him on this journey". I still don't know where she heard the term journey in relation to Daddy. But I found it very fitting. It is a journey in the physical sense and also a journey mentally and spiritually ~ not just for Daddy but for the rest of our family as well. Even in the midst of my funk filled day - I am excited at where this journey may lead us.

In case you didn't catch on - the "F" word was funk! Nothing more ...

The "official" Day 1

I really wanted to be able to sit down tonight and blog about how well today went. Something along the lines of how I got up and cooked the kids breakfast and caught up on the 50 loads of laundry that are angry with me for ignoring them while I tried to suck every minute out of the time I had with Matt. Maybe I would have finally gone to the store for the bread we haven't had for almost 2 weeks now. You know - productive things! But here is how my day went down!

First, and MOST exciting, someone woke me very early with a phone call! Before he left we did not know what to expect as far as communication. We know that at the final destination communication is going to be rocky - but on the way the possibility is sometimes there. Each flight is different. He didn't have any info on his flights or layovers or anything. This was a little concerning to me - he was the flight commander for his flight. Which means he was "the guy". If he doesn't have the info then there is no one else to ask. Knowing that, I still don't understand why he could not talk the pilot into dropping him off in Canada and I would just meet him there :)! Where was I headed? Oh - yeah the layover! So his first plane landed and they had a couple of hours of waiting for the next one ... so he bought an OUTRAGEOUSLY priced phone card and called. Then he figured out internet was a bit cheaper so we ended up skyping for awhile. (He also had a chance to read my blog where he informed me I spelled "role" instead of "roll" I told him to read my disclaimer - then I went and changed it!) And you would think I was an inexperienced parent because I thought it was a good idea to wake up the kids to skype as well. Needless to say Mommy was SO tired when it was all done. And emotionally drained. So - attempting to win "Mother of the Year" I gave the kids some pop tarts and sat them on the couch with the netflix remote while I went back to bed and slept ... and slept ... and slept some more.

Then, of course I had to get up because it was time to make up for the completely unhealthy breakfast and fix the kids lunch. So, I rolled out of bed (still in yesterdays clothes, btw) rubbed the mascara off my face and loaded the kids in the car for some Panera Bread (hey - it's healthier than pop tarts!). I might have also stopped by Old Navy because flannel always makes my heart feel better :)!!

But the day did end productively. We attended our first Operation Faithful Support meeting and I finally had a chance to see all my dear friends who I have neglected for the past few weeks. It felt refreshing to be in a room with so many women who are intricately linked to this experience I am going through. I absolutely love my Fort Knox ladies!

(GRRRR ... so Matt apparently tried to skype me while I was blogging and I missed 5 attempts. It was ok because he emailed me saying he had wifi access at this stop and he was going to go shave and then attempt again ... this brings us up to this moment - the *d--- thing WILL not work. My guess is the wifi is free because it is shoddy. But every connection is lost the minute I say hello - the ONE time I actually saw his face appear someone came and said "sir" and he turned from the computer to talk and nothing since. Oh well. )

So, that was day one! At the end of everything I felt like we all needed a lazy day. full of things out of the norm. Back to some normalcy tomorrow. IF there is such a thing.

All of my wonderful friends who had such encouraging things to say on FB today - you all will never know what your words have meant to me. Each and every one of you are blessings. Thank you!

*obviously I was saying "darn". :)