There is only one thing harder for me than to say goodbye to M2 when he leaves - reintegrating him into our lives.
Most of you army wives will totally get this but I think it might be harder for some of you who don't have long periods of your life you spend away from your spouse to understand. He's home safe and we are together - what could be so difficult? Right?
For me, it doesn't matter if it's a 15 day field training exercise , 30 days spent at NTC, 90 days in Afghanistan, or a year in Africa - It's all the same when it comes to reintegrating our family. I actually like the word "amalgamate". The Oxford Dictionary defines the word as "combine or unite to form one organization or structure". This is exactly our goal - to unite again as one.
So what's so hard? Well, when M2 leaves I become fiercely independent. Matter of fact, until M2 came into my life I considered myself the most independent person I knew. It's a different type of independence as well. If he were going on a business trip to Europe or something - I'd still have to become independent to make it while he was away. But this is different. Sending a husband to war requires a different, unique independence. Not only are we in need of being able to do everything for our families alone - we are learning to brace ourselves for the chance he may not return and we will need to do this forever. We become stronger, unfortunately sometimes harder, individuals. This is a hard thing to just snap out of the second he gets home.
On top of that I have to keep our family on a tighter, stricter routine because there is only one adult. The laxed household that we ran together becomes a well oiled machine that runs like clock work! I have a schedule that, for once, isn't effected by someone else meaning that most days it goes off without a hitch. Then M2 comes home ... "wah wah wah" ...
EVERYTHING changes.
There is someone here to challenge my independence. There is someone here who also has a schedule that does not correlate with mine. There is another person disciplining our children COMPLETELY different than usual. There is an adult in my home!! AHH!!!
Most of these things will eventually work themselves out. It is a hard, sometimes painful process. I will give up a lot of that independence because that is what we need to be able to function as a united couple and that hard exterior that I have built for the "In cases" will eventually sloth off. Our schedules will start to coincide as we both communicate what we need and each of us adjust. And eventually it will feel normal to me again to have an adult in my home!
Eventually. I sure hope eventually hurries up!
Yet, don't get me wrong! I LOVE that he is home again. I just want people to understand that the coming home process can be challenging and difficult. Something that, especially if you are a first time army family, you definitely need to prepare yourself for!!
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