My heart is heavy with sorrow this day - my soul abundant with joy.
I am struggling with the knowledge that the two can coexist. Sometimes I feel guilt that they are residing together.
This time in my life has been filled with months of sorrow. On this day a friend is putting to rest her beloved. My sorrow for her is great. My sorrow for the 2 families in our unit that have already put to rest their loved ones is almost as great. My sorrow for those families in our unit sitting at the bedsides of their injured soldiers is great. I have opened my heart to more people that ever before here and my heart aches for them as they endure the months ahead of uncertainty and separation. My heart yearns for the safety of their loved ones. I know that even as the months come and I go I will live this year out with my heart still here, with my heart still intricately connected to these women and this place. They will forever be on my mind and their sorrow will be my sorrow.
Yet, on this day I feel joyous. My own love is coming home and my heart is exploding with joy at the thought of his face. I am joyous that God has spared us this year. I am joyous that my children's hearts will be at ease with the sight of their Daddy. I am joyous that M2's parents hearts can rest. I am joyous that after the last 2 years that M2 has endured of stressful positions, long hours, and lots of time away from our family that he will be getting a small reprieve and then entering a job he truly has passion for!
With all of these feelings comes an overwhelming sense of guilt. I am struggling with the fact that sorrow and joy can coexist. It exists on the cross. We are overwhelmingly joyful for our salvation that could come no other way. Yet, our sorrow should be great for how it was purchased. God's sorrow for His son was great - His joy for His redeemed people is as great.
I have been holding back my joy because of this guilt.
But today I will rejoice that my loved one is near as I grieve alongside those whose loved ones are not.
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