Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Day 157 - Missing the girl!


So - first off - my dear friends are almost to the half way point of their deployment. Some have already reached that point and many have had the chance to see their husbands for R&R and most are about to get that chance soon! I am excited for them. Also, if you are praying for them - please continue. I have heard this is a sobering week for them as they have lost another soldier, brother, friend. They are all in my heart!

Secondly, CAMP!!!!

I was pretty much a nerd in high school. Let's face it. I was one of those kids that went to summer school in HS just to get ahead the next year. I remember my sophomore summer I took Junior English just because I could. Then my Junior year I was devastated that I missed out on taking English with all my friends. My Junior summer I decided to take a break from "getting ahead" and work at the summer camp up the hill from my boarding school. It was AWESOME! I met some of my truest friends to this day there at that camp and I ended up working there for 3 summers. One of the most amazing people I got to know was this handsome red head named Matt. I already knew Matt through my best friend and I didn't much care for him. But it was at summer camp that I REALLY got to know him! I thought he was amazing and still do to this day. My last summer he did not work and that was also the summer we got married. I remember always having conversations about what it was going to be like when we sent our own kid to camp one day. Like that time would EVER roll around.

Well it has! And she is there! And I miss her SOOO much! My mind is constantly on what she is doing every moment of the day. I keep thinking about that camper that I had one year in Apache that cried EVERY night. We never called her mom. What if my baby is crying every night? Would they call me? What if she is cold? I check the temp in that city on weather.com every 15 or so minutes and I think about right now at a cool 76 she is holding her arms and in need of a long sleeve that her mom NEGLECTED to provide. And it's raining, well it's stopped for a bit according to the site, but it will start back up and she is going to be camping out in the rain tonight! Once I saw a pack of coyotes in those woods. I lied to my cabin and told them they were Roscoe, the camp dog's, puppies. What if they aren't harmless?!?!

The one thing I do KNOW though is that when she comes home she will have just experienced the best week of her life. She will be asking me for months "How many more days till next summer?". And she will be completely in love with 2 counselors and want to tell me everything about them. How nice they were and how loved she felt. She will come back with a better understanding of Jesus' love for her. Because if there is one thing I KNOW - it's that those people working there at that camp are some of the most loving people in the world. I am so grateful she gets to experience this week. And a little jealous!

And ready to go get her on Saturday morning!


My little Shawnee!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Day 149 - When life is boring.

There was a point around 4 months ago where all I wanted was for life's busy schedule to give me a break. My days were always filled with either gym, children's activities/play dates/FRG events/coffee's/bible studies/time with friends ... I would always be rushing home to either make it in time to put a kid on the bus or get kids off the bus. By the end of those days I was exhausted. All I wanted was a slower pace.

Now I know that is the most RIDICULOUS thing in the world to want!

My body is still stuck on that schedule. The one where waking up any later than 6am meant the whole day was going to be off. Having to have the kids dressed and fed and one on a bus by 7:20. Needing to rush through daily cleaning between appointments because otherwise it would not get done in the hecticness of the day. Stuck on that schedule.

Here's the problem. I get up early. Drink my coffee. See my husband off to work. Eat breakfast. Feed and clothe my children. Do the dishes. Clean the kitchen. Dust. Vacuum. Sweep. Mop. Take out recycling and trash. Do ALL the laundry even folding and putting away. While I am doing all of this the kids are playing hard outside and then coming in and watching cartoons to cool off. By the end of this daily routine - it's ONLY 10am. Some mornings I will then take the kids to the pool for a few hours. But then it's only noon. We are all left doing everything we could possibly want to do or get done in a day by noon and we are bored.

So here I am wanting that schedule that I so dreaded because at the end of the day it left me fulfilled and content. M2 is telling me all the time to find joy wherever you are in life. I see the problem with not doing that. You will always be wanting some other point in life to be your "now".

So - here's to finding the joy in this s l o w paced life.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Day 148 - Army Wives

First off - I want to make something clear. I was not an Army Wives fan before this past deployment. I actually could not stand the show. I made that judgement based off a 30 minute segment I watched which, in my opinion, was not reality. When M2 left though I started watching it from the beginning, thanks to Netflix. I am still quite aways away from catching up to the current seasons shows but I am making progress.

I would still say that a lot of the story lines in the show are not based in reality but there is something that would draw me back to the show. A friend of mine hit the nail on the head. The emotions. We can all, as Army Wives, identify with the emotions of the show. I would sit and watch and CRY as I felt what they were feeling. There was not a single episode that I watched in which I didn't cry at some point.

The crying wasn't really that big of a deal seeing that there was also not many songs I could listen to that wouldn't have me pulled over on the side of the road in tears. When M2 came home ALL of those emotions vanished. I don't think I would even be able to force myself to cry to a sad song at this point. This is a good thing! I assumed watching Army Wives would prove to be the same.

I was wrong.

Last night I watched the episode where they are running in a challenge race against the marine wives. The one where Pamela and Roxy get stuck with Denise's HORRIBLE sisters and Denise tells her sisters, mid race, that her army friends had been more of sisters to her than them. (If you watch you know what I am talking about - those that don't, sorry!) I was watching this on my kitchen TV as I cooked and I just started crying. The emotions were so strong, yet different.

Before I was mourning the absence of my husband. Now I find myself mourning the absence of my "sisters". I don't even have phone reception where I can call them and talk about things. I went from being so busy I could hardly think to having NOTHING to do most of my day and the change is proving challenging. Isn't change always challenging?! Or is that just me?

The good news in just over a week I will get to spend some time with one of my Knox friends! This is the benefit of living so close to the beach - people have to vacation!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Day 142 - Updates!

So here is my official update blog!

We are now fully settled into our new house, at the new post, in the middle of nowhere! It's officially the hottest place on earth. Seriously. I miss KY.

It took us a little over 15 days to actually get here and get our stuff moved in. We took some time in Mississippi to get readjusted as a family. It was great. We camped a lot and stayed in places throughout MS that mostly had little to no reception for our cells and no computer access. This was the perfect plan since it gave us a chance to be a family - undistracted.

I pouted for the first few days after we arrived on Rucker. It is not Knox and surprisingly enough - my friends were not here. My neighbors were not the same ones I had a month ago! My CSA was not operating here and my local meat farmer didn't come along either. And lastly, my wonderful gym and trainer were also missing. Who would have thought it?! So, in my true style - I acted like a baby and whined and complained and whined some more but then I got it together!

I found a local, organic CSA - joined them right away, I am eating some wonderful squash spaghetti right now! I met my neighbors and they are actually pretty cool. I purchased an entire lamb from a local farmer and it is hanging right now preparing to be processed and will feed our family for the whole time we are here! And lastly, I searched for a gym to no avail but then decided to jump in and try a Crossfit club (I'm dying right now because of that choice!). So, I feel like I have jumped in with both feet and am now refusing to sit around for 6 months pouting over leaving Knox.

As far as an update on M2. He is doing MUCH better. He is driving now and actually jogged tonight! His class started this week and I think he is feeling better. There are still times that I think he feels the same way I do and longs to be back on Andar with the guys that were his support. Don't get me wrong. Both of us our overwhelmingly joyful that we are back as a family again. We are so thankful for this opportunity. Just sometimes we can both become overwhelmed with the suddenness of it and what we left behind.

Which brings me to my next point! Many of you may be confused as to why I am still counting days on my blog. Well there are actually 2 reasons. 1. I HAVE to blog. I spend most of my days speaking to 3 midgets that don't understand adult. At the end of the day I need someone to just let all my adultness out on. M2 is NOT that person. This outlet is perfect! 2. More importantly, I still feel intricately linked to this deployment. My "family" is still going through it. I will still be joyful with them and grieve with them. Some of the best friends I have ever had are struggling right now and so my goal remains the same - to make others aware of what goes on in families lives during a 365 day deployment. 2-2 is still my family. My heart will be with them until that last plane unloads.

Some of you may find it offensive that I continue to count days that I no longer have to face alone. Or that I still occasionally blog about a unit that I am no longer part of. All I have to say is that those that I love already understand and that is all that matters to me.

As for all you Knox girls - I miss you all!!!!



Monday, June 6, 2011

Day 141 - Finally back!

I am back from my hiatus.

Whew! That was a long move. We are now all moved into our new home and adjusting to this sudden change of pace and place. I was going to use this break from my hiatus to catch everyone up on all that has gone on the last 30 something days and update on M2's health issues but something early this morning on FB caught my eye and I HAD to share it.

I know I sound like a broken record when I say that I met some of the MOST amazing people at Fort Knox but it is so true and worthy of constant repeating! One of those amazing women was "M". "M"'s husband was scheduled to come back early like M2 and go on to a different career path within the military. She was so kind with encouraging words to me when I was feeling guilty over M2 getting to come back and leaving everyone behind. She could empathize. It seemed like as soon as I read those encouraging words and felt like I had a comrade in the making, "M"'s husband was injured. Severely. He lost a leg and the other one was in bad shape. He was coming home early. But not as planned. I have watched through the "notes" "M" has written an amazing strength that encourages me more than anything because honestly - that situation sucks. I have no better words for it. Where some would sit and wail and woe is me - her husband and her and her children have pushed on.

PEOPLE - this is what our soldiers are made out of. THIS is what our families are made out of. Strength. A strength that is hard to comprehend. A strength that is overwhelming.

I wish everyone of you had a chance to meet an "M". To actually see what war is asking, calling of our men and women.

This morning I logged onto FB and her post was first up on my newsfeed. It read

"(M) is tearfully watching a formation of wounded warriors--young men missing limbs, sporting wheelchairs, crutches and canes. All of you who don't care enough to vote--and research your candidates so you know what you are voting for--should have to watch this every day. Whether you wanted it or not, America, this is your war and your responsibility."


This is America's war - this is your war. You are part of it. We are all part of it and we should all bear the burdens of it with those that have borne the cost with the giving of their bodies and lives. Another issue I harp on too much probably but I don't care - that the outside world (non-military) for the most part seems to be forgetting that we are fighting a war still. That men are still giving their limbs and lives for your "freedom". And that wars are always on the horizon and it will take a great leader to navigate the necessary and unnecessary because war is an ugly thing that should be avoided at all cost. So if that's you - then wake up! Go to your nearest Veteran's hospital or wounded warrior post and look at war. It's there. You'll see it in the eyes of those soldiers in that formation.


Remember "M" and her family as they trek along the road of recovery.