It wasn't soap poisoning after all...

I'm thinking of blogging again. 

Thinking in a completely non-committal way. 

Tonight I'm blogging simply because I feel the need to fill people in on our lives and thus far, we've been pretty silent about what is going on with us. 

Today I was reminded that opening up gives us an outlet to glorify God through whatever we are going through. 

 

And I am going to need to be held accountable to that "glorifying God" bit, I'm sure. 

 

It's been awhile so I'll start with a quick "catch up" ...

 

Kids go to actual school in an actual building that is not actually home. 

I'm almost done with my own education!

We moved again since the last post. 

We have a second dog, 

second car, 

and second income. 

 And finally... 

One of us went blind.

 

Caught up? Or confused?

 

Back in January, M2 started having some pain behind his eye. He was stubbornly playing the "there is no good time" card whenever I insisted he get it checked out. 

 

One Sunday that changed. He sat next to me, moments before walking out the door to church, and exclaimed, "I just went blind in my right eye!" After berating him with "this is not funny" and "please don't joke about something like this" I realized he was being completely honest. 

 

Long story short.

 

February 2014 was hard. 

 

Doctors. 

Pain. 

More doctors. 

More pain. 

Emotional exhaustion. 

Pain. 

Spiritual exhaustion. 

No answers. 

More doctors. 

Pain.

 

I thought I was going to keel over with exhaustion and I wasn't even the one in pain or struggling with vision losses. His vision quickly returned from complete blindness and settled on something akin to El without glasses watching Pleasantville. Blurry and degraded in color. 

 

Lots of tests. Lots of doctors. Lots of hoping. 

 

Finally, this past week we were told an almost for sure diagnoses was reached. Several tests had pointed to one thing and each test added a piece to that puzzle. First, several doctors disagreed with each other. Time passed and more results came back and I think they have some form of agreement now. 

Here's what we know for sure:

 

M2's optic nerve's myelin sheath was being attacked by his body.

They call it a demyelinating disease.

They have eliminated most of the demyelinating diseases via testing. 

They continue to try and eliminate Multiple Sclerosis but each test comes back with an

"unable to rule out MS."

We are getting a second opinion at UNC from a neuro ophthalmologist.

We aren't sticking to anything we are told until then. 

And most importantly... 

GOD KNOWS!

 

So, that's that. And we are doing better in March than we were in February. God has seriously stepped down to my level and communed with me like never before. I was offered a full-time job that I took. Something that completely leaves me fulfilled and exhausted. Exactly what I needed in order to not focus on the what-if's of life right now. 

As far as M2, the myelin is rebuilding and the pain is significantly better. He can't raise his body heat right now or the vision starts to go again. This won't be permanent but will stay until this episode has completely cleared up. He was scheduled for this deployment that he had his complete heart invested in. At first all the doctors said that they would sign off for him to still be able to go. The neurologist said she has several active soldiers who deploy with MS and other dymyelinating issues. Yet, this past week new test results and further investigation has led to the team treating him to pull that recommendation and suggest he not go. Mostly because he is not fully healed and only time will tell how long that might take. This was not a typical deployment and the thought of not going is not a pleasant one for him right now. 

This has been a very surprising, shocking, gut-wrenching experience. 

We have never felt God so close. He is here. He knows. He knows M2's comings and goings. He knows if M2 will heal and never have another flare up or if this will be life altering. He knows. 

He knows.

For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

And I'm reminded - sometimes what we see in the moment as a tragedy ends up being one of the biggest blessings God could ever bestow upon us :).