Moving is FAR from a new concept in this house. It has only been 9 months since we moved last. The place I just leased in NC will be E's 10th residence in 8 years of life and currently we are only guaranteed to be there a year - so moving has always been a big part of our life. I think in the midst of it all though, I have failed to see how it affects my precious kiddos!
Let me start by saying that I have truly been blessed with the most adaptive children there must be - hands down! They are VERY flexible and considerate of all that is involved in moving. It's because of these unique qualities that I think I have failed to see how much it actually affects them! We have been living out of suitcases for over a week now and they have had to forego all their playthings until we finally move and unpack. They are plagued with uncertainty about where we are going and even when that will be. We should be loading a Uhaul today - that was the "plan". Have you ever heard that saying, "Man plans and God laughs"? Well we have a similar one that goes, "We plan and the Army laughs"! So true for us. We are still sitting here waiting on our RFO to be converted so we can actually move. We have no clue as to when this might happen. We could be sitting here another week, or heaven forbid, longer! I have gone through the gamut of emotions at this point and settled into acceptance. The kids on the other hand have NOT settled into anything! They are not being themselves at all. I started to think our parenting was lacking somewhere - that somewhere we had slipped up - creating the current hellions that are residing in my home! They are hitting, biting, screaming, tantrum-throwing, crying every. minute. of. the. day ... it's like someone took my kids and left me with 3 that were just released from the nearest juvenile detention center! It's full rebellion!
In my ignorance of the situation I have tried to tighten my reign. I have gotten cold towards them and harsh with my words. I've been disappointed and angry and hurt. Yet, thinking it over this morning I had an epiphany.
That was me! JUST LAST WEEK!
I wasn't sure why things weren't going my way. I lashed out at those around me. I cried A LOT! I yelled at Matt, I yelled at God. It culminated in the biggest tantrum a grown up could throw on Thursday afternoon! Luckily I bypassed the hitting and biting, but there were moments where IF I thought I could bite to get my way I would have! My problem is their problem. Sin. We want things to always go our way. We see a way that looks best and we want that. Someone tells us no and we LOSE it. Not all the time. But mix those selfish "my way" desires with feelings of uncertainty and apprehension (which we all feel right now) and the perfect storm is created. Our trust in our creator fails momentarily and we feel abandoned and unloved. My question of, "Does God even care about what is going on with ME right now?" can easily be converted to theirs of "Does Mommy even care what I am going through right now?". The answer to both is YES!! God cares about every thing I feel and go through and he GENTLY stirs my heart towards Him allowing me to lose it and accepting me back in the fullness of His grace! I care about what they have to endure through every move - but so UNLIKE God I am much less adept at showing them grace. I am not as quick to just listen to the cries of their hearts and soothe them. I am far from gentle!
Sometimes it is nice to be reminded that our children's heart condition is the same as our own heart condition and that Grace can cover us both!
"...My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness..." II Cor. 12:9
